From Our Hearts to Yours: Choosing an Au-Pair safely online.

Every week, we see posts from families searching for au pairs — some with wonderful outcomes, and others that go terribly wrong. This time, we want to talk about the latter.

Recently, I came across a heartbreaking post from a family on Facebook who had an awful experience after hiring an au pair through the platform. Within just a few days, the au pair made no effort to connect with the family or children, spent most of her time on her phone, and even left the children unsupervised. The situation escalated when she made false accusations against the family and gave multiple different names, leaving them feeling shocked, betrayed, and deeply concerned for other families who might encounter her next.

It’s an important reminder that while Facebook can be a great place to connect, it’s also an unfiltered space — and that means families need to be extra cautious before welcoming someone into their home.

Why Facebook Isn’t Always Enough

There are hundreds of families and au pairs messaging with the best intentions, but without structure, it’s easy for important details to be missed.

Facebook is a good starting point, but it should never replace proper screening. Remember:

• You’re not just hiring someone — you’re inviting them into your home.

• Your children’s safety depends on trust and understanding.

• A friendly profile or call can’t show emotional maturity or shared values.

💬 A Message from a Professional Nanny and Former Au Pair

Having worked as both an au pair and a high-profile nanny across several countries, I’ve seen this industry from every angle — the professional demands, the emotional side, and everything in between. Over the years, I’ve received countless messages from families looking for help and from au pairs searching for their next placement.

From my experience, I would never settle on just one family — and equally, a family should never interview just one au pair. It’s important to compare, to ask questions, and to understand what feels right. Interviewing more than one candidate gives you perspective and helps you see what truly matters for your family’s needs.

I’ve often told families during interviews that they didn’t ask me enough. As a bubbly, reliable person, I bonded over interviews well and got a fair amount of an instant yes! — but that shouldn’t be enough. I encouraged them to dig deeper, to verify, find out more. Always ask for two forms of identification and at least one reference and emergency contact. If there’s only one, that’s fine — but get a phone number or an email address and actually reach out. It takes a little more time, but it gives you peace of mind before welcoming someone into your home.

Be flexible and curious with your questions, even if they feel small or unrelated. Ask things like, “How do you spend your free time?” or “What brings you to this country?” These details reveal personality and purpose. And remember — it doesn’t have to feel like a formal interview. You can always keep it light and involve your children in a second video call to see how everyone connects. Observe their motivation, body language and if their passion for being an au pair and their own desire of travelling to where you are is fluid.

Check for IMBALANCE.

I’ll be sharing more soon about how to find someone who truly fits your family's personality soon.

💡 What Host Families Often Overlook

Speaking with families over the years, they've told of many situations that simply didn’t work — often for reasons that could’ve been spotted early on.

1. HOMESICKNESS AND DISTANCE

   Some au pairs sound incredibly eager during the call, but once they arrive, the reality of being far from home sets in. Ask how they cope when they’re homesick, or how they plan to handle tough days. Even with a contract in place, you don’t want an unhappy au pair in your home — it affects everyone, especially the children.

   
   

2. LACK OF INTERACTION WITH CHILDREN This is a huge red flag. If an au pair doesn’t naturally engage or show genuine interest in the kids, they’re likely more interested in the country or the free board than the role itself. You can usually spot this in interviews — watch their energy when you mention your children. (We’ll go deeper into this in another blog.)
   

3. PHONE USAGE As both a high-profile nanny and former au pair, I learned how to separate the roles and responsibilities clearly. Regardless of the environment, I always kept my phone away but on me, for an emergency. When children played independently, I’d use that time efficiently — unloading the dishwasher, tidying up, or preparing snacks. As a high-profile nanny, downtime was rare, and I often had to remind myself it was okay to pause as an au pair, there’s a bit more flexibility — but the principle remains: being present matters. You’re not there to constantly entertain, but your presence and attentiveness make all the difference.
   

4. COMPATIBILITY AND HONESTY Every family and au pair relationship is different. Some au pairs are very independent, while others need more guidance — both are fine, as long as expectations are clear. If you’re expecting hands-free childcare, an au pair might not be the right fit. The same goes for lifestyle compatibility:

   • Can you really have a vegan au pair in a non-vegan household? Most families can but it can be more difficult for others, time, ease of cooking etc.

   • What if she’s a city girl moving into a quiet country town with the idea of something new? That's fantastic but understand how they'll cope with the change.

     You don’t need to rule someone out for these differences, but you do need to ask how they’ll adapt.
     

And lastly, be honest about what you’re offering. Many families find a great au pair and start making promises or adjustments that don’t quite hold once they arrive. It’s rarely intentional — but it can lead to disappointment on both sides. I’ll dive into that more in my next post, where I’ll talk about how host families can set clear, realistic expectations from the start and the ever so missed RED Flags.

If something doesn’t feel right, don’t risk it. There are so many wonderful au pairs out there; the right one will never make you question your instincts.

Sincerely,

Maison De Nanny